


Whole Again

by SexuallyAttractedToFanFiction



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Dean, Dom Castiel, Dom/sub, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Sub Dean, Top Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-21 03:16:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10676559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SexuallyAttractedToFanFiction/pseuds/SexuallyAttractedToFanFiction
Summary: Dean never meant to tell Cas about the rape, but it turned out angel mind reading was much harder to suppress after a few stiff drinks and an unexpected kiss. Luckily Cas is more than happy to help him get past his issues using some... unconventional methods.





	Whole Again

It had been years since it happened, that dark night in the back of a bar, but he still had nightmares about it. If Sammy asked, Dean would tell him it was hell he was remembering, supernatural creatures, things he knew he would understand. But that was a lie. When it came down to it the worst monster of all, the one he had been truly unable to fight off, had been all too human. He hadn’t had sex in years, whenever he did it all came rushing back, sex was no fun after that. The abject terror running through his drunken brain, the complete helplessness, it was all too much to bear. He cried sometimes, late at night when the booze made him remember, and there was no one else to hear. He thought he could go on like this, always alone, always hiding the truth from everyone, and then he met him.

Castiel was beautiful, the attraction too strong to ignore, but Dean knew it could never become anything more than a fantasy. He was broken, and if it had been bad with women, it would surely be far worse with a man. He pretended not to see the yearning looks, pretended not to feel his heart flip every time he heard his voice, or their bodies momentarily brushed together, but he could only pretend for so long.

The alcohol worked its magic as it always did and in that blissful haze he leaned forward, invading the angel’s personal space far more than Castiel had ever done, their lips meeting, soft and beautiful. So long overdue. Cas froze for a moment, the angelic system far less prone to alcohol than the human one, before melting into the kiss. It was electric with passion, the feeling so strong that Dean thought he might cry. He pulled away quickly when he saw Sam returning from the bathroom, taking an unnatural interest in the contents of his glass, and ignoring the questions he could see forming on Castiel’s lips.

It was days before he saw Cas again. The angel appeared without warning, standing behind him in the bathroom, the shock causing Dean to drop the toothbrush he had been holding and tense with the memories that lay in wait every second of every day, ready to pounce.

“Jesus Cas! Quit doing that!”

“I am sorry I- I had to speak with you.”

“And you couldn’t maybe knock first?”

Cas disappeared again and Dean rolled his eyes as he heard a hesitant knock on the bathroom door.

“Bit late now don’t you think?” His anger was slowly dissipating, but his voice was no calmer, the shame of his drunken mistake clouding everything.

He pulled the door open. Cas was frowning, confusion and worry fighting for dominance in the angel’s expression.

“What is it Cas?” He snapped, hoping that the angel had been more drunk than he thought, that maybe, just maybe, he had no memory of the kiss.

“I wish to discuss what happened.”

Dean sighed, so much for that.

“Look, man, just forget about it. I was drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing.”

Cas looked crushed.

“What if I don’t want to forget about it?” He raised his eyes to look straight at Dean.

“Well… I- I, ” Dean stuttered, not sure if it was the angel’s words or the look in those dazzling blue eyes that was leaving him speechless.

Cas closed the distance between them in a heartbeat and, before Dean could protest, pressed his lips against Dean’s. Dean gave into the sensation, lips crushing against lips, pulling Cas closer, closer…

Cas pushed Dean against the wall and Dean tensed, cruelly snatched from the moment as images flashed beneath his eyelids. Cas broke contact and stepped away, eyes wide with what looked like horror.

“What’s wrong Cas?” Dean said hoarsely, his lips still tingling with the ghost of a kiss.

“Dean, what happened to you?” Cas half whispered.

“Other than an angel kissing me? Not much.” He forced a laugh.

“Your thoughts-” Dean felt a pit open in his stomach at those two little words, he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. “Those images…” Cas trailed off with a shake of his head.

“How long’ve you been reading my mind Cas?” His voice was loud and unsteady, he tried to look mad, but he couldn’t cover up the terror of his deepest secret being exposed.

“It is not a habit of mine, that kiss, it amplified your thoughts, strengthened our bond. I am so sorry Dean.” He knew he wasn’t talking about the mind reading with those last words.

Dean walked past Castiel and sat down heavily on the edge of his bed, grabbing the bottle of whiskey he kept beside it and swallowing a large gulp of the fiery liquid, before lowering his head into his hands. He could feel the angel move towards him, he tried to keep himself together as a strong hand settled on his shoulder.

“Talk to me Dean.”

His body started to contract with deep sobs and he lowered himself further, hid as much of his face as possible as the tears flowed down his cheeks. Castiel trepidatiously sat down beside him, putting an arm around his shaking back, and slowly pulling him into the warmth of the angel’s embrace. Cas made soft comforting noises as Dean cried, combing a hand through his hair, but not trying to force words until the hunter was ready. Dean kept trying to speak, to explain, to somehow laugh it off, hide the truth behind another lie, but he couldn’t. When the tears started to slow and Dean finally managed to dry his face on a sleeve, and raise his eyes to meet the look the angel was giving him, he knew the truth was the only option.

“I…” He faltered and reached for the bottle again, taking a sip to calm his nerves. “I… Dammit Cas, I don’t know how to talk about this! It’s been so long. I…” Fresh tears started to pour from his eyes, he angrily wiped them away. “I got raped.” He stared at his hands as he spoke, afraid to see the angel’s response to his words. “I went to a bar, and I drank too much, and this guy, this big brute of a guy, he followed me to the toilets and he-” his whole body shuddered with the intensity of the memory, verbalising the truth was somehow amplifying the power it held over him.

“And you never told anyone?” Cas’ voice was soft in his ear.

Dean shook his head.

“What’d I say? ‘Hey Sam, you know that time you disappeared for a week and left me on my own? Well, some biker dude made me his bitch while you were gone, and I basically haven’t had sex since.’ Yeah right, that’d go down well.” Dean half laughed, half cried, and took another gulp of liquid courage.

“You could have told _me_.”

“How?”

“Like this.” Castiel pulled his face to his and kissed him tenderly. “Just think, I’ll hear.” He closed his mouth on his again, softly moving his lips over Dean’s. Dean closed his eyes, and remembered, remembered every little detail he didn’t know how to say, couldn’t say. The kiss sweetened with every awful thought, like Cas was trying to lick away the pain, letting out slight whimpers at the worst of it. Dean didn’t know how long they stayed like that, Cas’ lips seemed to stop time, but when they eventually separated Dean felt dazed like he’d woken from a dream.

“Cas.” He leaned after him as the angel straightened up, the distance between them seeming infinite.

The angel was silent for a moment, then he spoke, his voice dark with inhuman fury. “I’ll kill him. That monster should not be allowed to walk this earth after what he did to you.”

Dean took hold of his arm as Cas began to stand, stopping him and pulling him back down.

“No.”

“No?” Cas showed no signs of comprehension, his eyes still seethed with murderous rage.

“I don’t want that. I just want… I want you to hold me.” The vulnerability of those words shouldn’t have even registered after what he had told, what he had _shown_ Cas, and yet somehow they still caused a lump to rise in his throat. The angel faltered for a second, then his eyes cleared of anger, and filled with compassion. Dean lay down in the bed, guiding Cas to lie beside him, and Cas hugged him tight to his chest.

“Dean?” Cas quietly spoke a few minutes later, sleepiness having already overtaken Dean’s mind.

“Yeah?” Dean murmured.

“I will never let anyone hurt you again, you know that, right?”

Dean snuggled closer to Cas, pressing against his body in a way that he hadn’t allowed himself to do in years.

“I know.” Dean said, and the crazy thing was, he believed it.

*************************

They’d had sex a few times, each careful touch helping him trust again, helping him _feel_ again. Castiel was patient, and caring, and stopped and talked things through whenever it became too much for Dean. But every time things got a bit rougher, every time he was pushed that bit harder, Dean felt panic rise in his chest, and he knew that had to change. He had to find a way past this, and, he decided, the only way past, was through it.

“Cas, I need you to fuck me.”

Cas looked up, startled at the change in vernacular.

“I believe that is what I did last night.”

Dean laughed, but the stress of his decision was still present in the sound.

“Not what I mean, Cas. I need to get over this… whatever this is. I need to replace those memories with something new, something good.”

Cas nodded in understanding, but he looked concerned.

“Are you sure you want this Dean? I have seen how you flinch when I forget to be careful, even for a second. I know how you suffer. I do not wish to cause you any further pain.”

Dean stepped towards him and took the angel’s hands in his own.

“I know, and that’s exactly why I need you to do this. I trust you,” the angel’s eyes crinkled into a smile at the words, “You won’t hurt me, but I need this from you. Make me whole again Cas, please?”

“If that is what you truly desire,” Dean nodded his assent, “then I will be happy to 'fuck you’.”

Dean rolled his eyes at the audible quotation marks but was cut off as Castiel kissed him with an intensity unlike anything the two had shared before. Their bodies were so close together that he could feel the angel’s erection pressed against his own through their clothes. He mentally laughed at his previous remarks about personal space. Cas somehow moved closer, tongue aggressively exploring Dean’s mouth, cutting off Dean’s train of thought. Dean sensed that was deliberate, damned angel telepathy. Cas nipped his lower lip then broke out of the kiss. Dean whined at the loss of contact, belatedly remembering that he needed to breathe.

“Undress.” Cas ordered, his voice low and sensual. Dean shivered at the change in Castiel’s demeanour, it was a little scary, but sexy as hell.

Dean kicked off his boots before beginning to undo his shirt. Cas lost patience and shoved him against the wall, then ripped the shirt open, scattering buttons everywhere. Dean swallowed hard and closed his eyes, arousal mixing with trauma as the familiarity of the situation kicked in.

“Damn Cas, when did you get so domineering?” His laugh was not quite genuine, and he could see Cas take note of that fact. The trail of kisses he pecked down his chest was soft, comforting. Dean calmed beneath his touch.

“I have been gentle for you Dean, but do not think I cannot be rough.”

Cas unbuckled Dean’s belt and pulled it off in one quick motion, Dean moaned as he used it to tie his hands together above his head. Cas kept his arms firmly pressed against the wall with one powerful hand as the other undid his trousers. He pulled Dean’s cock free of his underwear and silenced his gasp with another probing kiss, his hand sliding along Dean’s length as he did so.

“Step out of your trousers and turn around.” Cas commanded, releasing Dean’s cock and walking over to the bedside table.

Dean did as he was told, hands clasped above him in the semblance of a prayer, the thought making him smirk. _I pray to Castiel that he might get his angelic ass back here and fuck me before I freeze to death_.

“No need for snark Dean Winchester. I think you are forgetting who is in charge here.”

Cas slapped Dean’s ass hard, forcing him to breathe in sharply. He felt lubricated fingers probing his sensitive hole and he held his breath, waiting for the sting.

“Relax, Dean, you will only make the pain worse by tensing.”

Soft lips were pressed to his shoulder blades, his neck, the side of his face. Dean forced himself to calm down, stop thinking of anything that had gone before, those memories didn’t belong here.

A finger pushed in, eliciting a gasp from Dean, then another one. Cas quickly scissoring him open. Dean’s muscles convulsed and he shuddered, he hadn’t had anything in his ass since that day so long ago. Memories rushed in, uninvited, and he whimpered.

“Dean? Are you okay?” Cas turned Dean to face him and looked deep into his eyes. Dean nodded mutely.

“Do not lie to me Dean, I know you too well.” Castiel leaned his forehead against Dean’s, then kissed him slowly, feeling his thoughts in the contact.

“You want me to carry on.” Cas stated. Dean nodded again. “I need you to say it.” The love behind the words forced Dean to speak.

“Please, don’t stop. I need…” Cas nodded now, Dean didn’t need to finish the sentence, Cas knew what he wanted to say.

Cas leaned Dean back against the wall, facing him this time, and slowly, ever so slowly, pushed into him. Cas’ eyes fluttered shut, the pleasure taking over, before starting to move inside Dean. He kept his thrusts shallow at first, keeping his eyes fixed on Dean’s expression with every movement, kissing away the memories as he started to go faster, harder. Dean cried out, this time with pleasure, as Cas hit that special spot inside him. Castiel settled into a ferocious rhythm, relaxing as he saw Dean’s eyes glaze with lust. He reached down and started to stroke Dean’s cock.

“Oh fuck, Cas.”

Dean bit his lip as he came, hard, his orgasmic moans pushing Castiel over the brink as well. Cas kissed Dean reverently, marvelling at the fact that someone so beautiful not only existed, but wanted _him_ , infinitely grateful for the euphoric daze he sensed in Dean’s thoughts. He untied Dean’s hands and took the hunter in his arms, Dean instinctively lowering his chin to rest in the hollow of his shoulder, and held him there as the fog lifted from both of their minds.

“How was that?” Cas eventually asked, moving away to see Dean’s expression.

“Good.” Dean grinned. “Did you even undress?” He asked with an accusatory tone.

“I did not.” Cas grinned back and playfully slapped Dean’s bare behind. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

He pushed him into the bathroom and turned on the shower, then turned to leave. Dean grabbed his arm, pulling him back.

“Only if you come with me.” Castiel raised an eyebrow suggestively. “Not what I meant, but it is now.” Dean smirked.

Castiel rolled his eyes, and started to undo his tie.

“You are insatiable.”

Dean smiled.

“Only where you’re concerned.”


End file.
